Ch-ch-Changes!!

"Even while I protest the assembly-line production of our food, our songs, our language, and eventually our souls, I know that it was a rare home that baked good bread in the old days. Mother’s cooking was with rare exceptions poor, that good unpasteurized milk touched only by flies and bits of manure crawled with bacteria, the healthy old-time life was riddled with aches, sudden death from unknown causes, and that sweet local speech I mourn was the child of illiteracy and ignorance. It is the nature of a man as he grows older, a small bridge in time, to protest against change, particularly change for the better." -John Steinbeck
Yesterday when James came home from helping his friends set up for a music video that they are going to do today, I sat up with him until four in the morning just venting on how my life is going nowhere and I need a change--change of scenery, work, change of everything. In May, I will be living in Odessa, New York--change from Ithaca, New York. I really don't know what will happen to me because I have never lived out in the country before and they (meaning James' parents lived way out there) and I hope that I can adjust. I also told James last night or early this morning that I don't want to work for Wal-Mart for the rest of my life; I want to be a Nurse a Nurse in Nigeria or somewhere just as long as I am a Nurse. Sometimes I wonder if Iam changing for the best or for the worse. I really hope that I figure this out soon. On Thursday, I saw Kevin (the Pharmacist I used to work with) for the first time in almost two years and to see him was seeing my best friend--it was awesome! And to make it even better, he is coming back to Wal-Mart here in Ithaca as a Staff Pharmacist. I keep on saying that I want to transfer because I am sick of everything from Dennis to the fact that I have to do everything and I do mean everything. On January 23, it will mark five more months until I am the big 30. I have this funny feeling when I turn 30 that changes will happen. I mean I feel that I am changing already since I don't really hold anything back now and usually I just hold everything in and complain later. No more. I don't want to be a push-over anymore. Yesterday was a great example on how I am no longer a push-over. I won't get into details, but let's just say that I will not take any crap anymore.
Moving to Odessa from Ithaca will also mean that I will be driving everywhere and I do mean everywhere---to work, grocery store, to run errands, and the list goes on. I am looking forward to be driving again. It will be a change from walking everywhere not to mention that I will get to a certain destination faster and plus I won't have to wake up earlier. Then again, I may have to if I am not going to transfer.
This is the year 2009 which means that changes are going to happen. Whether it will mean me (my attitude), work, life, or just surroundings. I just know that changes are happening and like I wrote on my Facebook, I hope it will be for the better not for the worse.

There's Nothing Left of Me

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." -Calvin Coolidge
I just found out today that the Police in Minnesota only caught ONE yes, ONE person that was involved in my identity theft situation and personally, my face went from this to this in all matter of seconds. In fact, I was crying before I started typing this. The person that they caught in Minnesota was in a different county from where other things has happened but I do know that it's still in Minnesota. The person that is going to be arraigned admitted that she used my name. In fact, the woman admitted that this guy paid her narcotics and money to use my name to get furniture from two furniture stores.
I am numb right now, I don't know how I am supposed to feel at this moment. I called home and my Mom told me to keep my head up because at least they caught one person in this mess of mine. I just don't know anymore about this whole Identity Theft case. I really wish that they would catch each and every person that is involved in this. I wish that my little sister grabbed my purse. I wish that I wasn't so foolish into trusting my little sister with my purse. I wish that I never traveled through Greyhound to begin with. There's so many things that you can wish for, but none of them can come true let alone you can't turn back the clock and wish that you can change things.
People tell me that I should move on from this situation, but it's been over a year and I still haven't been able to move on from this. I am just glad that I have James here with me or else I really don't know what I would do. He has been my rock throughout this whole entire journey and I know that sometime or someday I will be able to say that I have moved on and I am ready for the next chapter in my life but as of right now, it's not in the cards.
The person that they caught, well, I just have a funny feeling that she may have done this in other cities in Minnesota and unfortunately, the police haven't pieced it together...yet. I mentioned in my Facebook that I want her to suffer because I am suffering right now and until justice is served, I will have this face again . I know that God is watching over me and with Him by my side, I know that I can get through this. Like the verse says: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" -Philippians 4:13
This is how I am going to end my blog for today, scripture from the Bible. It comes from The Book of Jeremiah chapter 29 verses 11-13: For I know the plans that I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Through perseverance and hard work, I know that this person or persons will be finally caught and when they do, I will be able to finally say that I saw light at the end of the tunnel and change the title of my blog from "There's Nothing Left of Me" to "There's Everything Left of Me" (if that makes any sense) or something like that. Well, I am going to sign off now. Hope that everyone has a good weekend and until I write again, God Bless!

Happy New Year!!

"At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves." -Dr. Meredith Grey from the television show, Grey's Anatomy
everyone!! This is my first blog post for the New Year and I thought that I would write down on my first post my New Years Resolutions.

1. Lose Weight. I know that I keep on saying this, butI really want to do it. When I was in Illinois, I was losing weight, but coming back here to New York and all of the good food somewhat made me gain most of it back and I don't like it at all. I really don't eat that much food, but it seems like I am bigger than I used to be and I have this issue with I really don't like what I see in the mirror and the only way I can really like what I see is to buckle down and get this diet going. I have some ideas on what I can do and hopefully it will work.
2. Be More OutSpoken (on things that I believe in). Sometimes I feel that people put me down; whether it is behind my back or to my face and I do nothing about it. Not anymore! Life is way too short to be bullied and from now on, I need or will take charge on if someone is saying crap about me or just afraid of saying something to my face (especially if it concerns me and not the other person).
3. This isn't really a resoultion, but more of something that I need to do more often: smile.

According to some people, it seems that I never smile enough and I need to. Smiling is the best medicine invented and if someone makes me mad, sad, or even happy all I can do is smile because not only is smiling contagious, but people can't read your mind when you are smiling (especially if you are mad at them for doing something stupid or wrong).
4. Learn how to Cook.

Even though I love James' cooking, it's about time that I learn how to cook for myself (especially if James will be working late or he will be at a friends house or if he will be out of town for a few days). I know how to make Macroni and Cheese and the "Hamburger Helper" stuff, but I want to learn how to make Chicken, Lasagna, Spaghetti (and the sauce), and stuff like that. I know it will take time, but I know I will be able to do it and when I do, I want to surprise James with a meal sometime and have him enjoy it.
5. Read The Bible more.

I have been reading The Bible more than ever, but I want to read it more. The Bible is so interesting and just when you think you have it figured out, you don't because there's so much in it that makes it amazing. James even said that we should schedule one night that we both read part of a Chapter from The Bible and discuss it. I really can't wait for that to happen because I want to hear what James has to say about the Chapters we will be reading together.
6. Write or Email my Friends more often.

I have been really bad about keeping in touch with my friends whether it's through email or snail mail (I prefer email) and since I hardly know anyone here in New York since most of my friends are still in Kansas, I feel that I need to write them more (even the ones that I really don't want to talk to).
7. Finish up the Story I started writing two years ago. When James and I moved to Illinois, I was writing this story about a woman who moves away from home to go to college, meets the man of her dreams, and finds her faith again. Where I left off, the main character's boyfriends Grandmother dies and he was cold towards her because his was very close to his Grandmother and for some strange reason, he wouldn't let her help him grieve but then, he finally lets her help him. I guess that's where I left off oh wait, he also tells her that he loves her for the first time. I am on page eight or nine and I really need to start up with that again. I really don't know when I will have time to do it, but I really want to because it's getting good and I don't want my mind to forget the ideas I have in store for this story.
8. Read More.

I love reading and I haven't had time to read so now I want to read. A couple of weekends ago, James' cousin Jade, her friend Matt, and myself went to see the movie, Twilight and I thought that it was an awesome movie. So since many people have said that the Books are somewhat better than the movie, I am going to take a stab at it and start reading the books and compare them to the movies (like I did with Harry Potter). Just in general, I just want to read more because whenever I am on my lunch break at work, I feel that I am just wasting time after I am done eating so why waste time when you can read right?
9. Be a Better Wife.

I am not saying that I am a bad wife, but I want to be a better one than I am now. I know that James loves me and everything, but I just want to be a better one. James and I are going to be married for five years this August 7, and I want to do more things for him rather have him do things for me (if that makes any sort of sense).
10. Meet new Friends and keep the Old.

I keep on saying this, but I really do want to make new friends. It's not that I am shy or anything, I just don't really have the time or the effort to make any friends and personally, I think that's sad just plain sad. Even though I do have to admit that I do have two friends that I really don't get to see that much, with my new schedule, I think that I will be able to and I am so excited to see them again. With James and I moving to Odessa in less than four or five months, I am afraid that I won't meet anyone new but then again, I could be wrong because when we move, we will also be getting a car so I will be able to drive around and hang out with friends and meet some new ones (hopefully...cross your fingers). 11. Spend more time with my Family.

This Christmas and New Years hit me hard because I didn't get to see any of my family members and it was really rough for me. I am really close to them and hearing my nephews voices on the phone on Christmas Day made me cry. Even though I am in a different state, different time zone, and a different country from my family, I want to try and spend more time with them even if it means if they have to come down here, so be it. I really want to do this and I hope I can do it.
12. Call the People in my Life more.

I know that this isn't really much of a resolution, but I don't get on the phone that much except for my little sister and I want to call my friends more and see how they are doing (I guess that's almost the same thing as my sixth resolution). I guess what I am trying to say is that I want to keep in touch with my friends and family more than I do. This is my final resolution and I hope that I am able to stick by these.

I guess I am done writing out my resolutions so I hope that everyone has a Happy New Year! May God continue to bless you and bring many more happiness for this up-coming year! Have a a great weekend and God Bless!