Coming Home

Every time I start an entry, I don't finish it. I have at least 4 or 5 entries I have started and I haven't finished them. What's wrong with this picture? And when I leave them, I don't remember what I wanted to write in them. I tried to update this blog every now and then, but I got distracted with the fact that James and I moving back to Kansas and everything went downhill from there.

So let me tell you about the journey back to Kansas...

James and I planned on coming to Kansas together in May make that the weekend of Mother's Day. I called the Lawrence Walmart and told them that I wanted to transfer back home and from what they said, it looked like I was going to go back there at anytime so I had to email my District Manager on when I was leaving so I told him Mother's Day weekend but it could be sooner than that. He didn't like that answer so I had to tell him Mother's Day weekend.
I got the call that I knew was somewhat coming: they (meaning the Lawrence Walmart) want me and they want me NOW. And that was the weekend of April 10. Dennis the Pharmacy Manager wasn't too thrilled that I was leaving to begin and the fact that I was leaving earlier than expected, it made it worse.
I told James that I got the call and he was totally thrilled that I got the transfer, but disappointed that I had to become a cashier and not to mention that I will be losing $1.45 an hour.

After typing this, I don't think anyone wants to read about me coming home. Let's just say that I am back in Lawrence and for some really odd reason, I want to go back to New York! Crazy, isn't it?

My Horoscope for today...

There's something that you're holding on to that you need to let go of Cancer. There are things that we are so attached to that we try to defeat the laws of nature to continue to hold on to that attachment. It is apparently time for you to refocus, transition, and let go of what once was so that you can look ahead into what the stars promise to be a more prosperous future. Don't let disappointment or and the sense of loss get you down now, you have too much to look forward to.


Kind of ironic, isn't it?

Around this time....

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us" -Helen Keller

Around this time...
I would be 21 weeks pregnant

and I would feel the baby kicking me, I would know (hopefully) if it was a boy or a girl....
people would be able to tell that I am pregnant because of the "bump"....

Some people ask me how I am doing and I tell them that I am doing fine. In reality, I am. I doing just fine. I just don't like to be reminded of it whenever I see certain people. Like yesterday at work, one of my co-workers asked me how the baby was doing and I told her that I lost it and surprisingly enough, I didn't cry or anything. And she quickly changed the subject and I was so happy that she did.

Although when the old Pharmacist that I used to work with just came out of no where and asked me why didn't I tell him that I was pregnant or that I miscarried, I cried. I didn't expect that from him let alone the first thing that would come out of his mouth. No sympathy from that man whatsoever.

James and I decided that we want to wait a little longer to start trying again. Not a lot of people know this, but James and I are moving back to Kansas in April and we feel that if I got pregnant again, we would have no choice but to stay here in New York and trust me, that's something WE DON'T want to do!

You want to know how I got through this? I have one answer: God and James. I really don't know what I would do if God wasn't a part of James and I's lives...especially when this happened. God is totally awesome!!! He has helped me heal and as a matter of fact, this has brought James and I closer than before.

I am sorry that this was a somber post, but then again, it could be worse. It could be a post about work and I am sure that you don't want to read about that. Believe it or not, this really does help me heal and everyday I am healed (if that makes sense).

Well, until the next post, have a great weekend and God Bless!

Haven't Done This in a While....

"Dance as though no one is watching you, Love as though you have never been hurt before, Sing as though no one can hear you, Live as though heaven on Earth" -Souza

Goodness, it has been how long (?) since I have written in this blog of mine. Just to keep you or whomever reads this updated but just to give a fair warning, some of what I am about to say could be disgusting or just TMI (too much information):

I finally started my period after miscarrying over a month ago. I am happy that it finally came again because that means everything is everything and before you know it, James and I could start trying again!

I am officially driving to and from Odessa all by myself (without James being in the car with me) and let me tell you, it's a wonderful and I do mean wonderful feeling!!! Ever since I got into that car accident two months ago, I thought that I wouldn't be able to drive again. But with the help of God and James, I am able to and I couldn't be any happier than I am now!!! Although I have to face driving in the snow by myself and I am not looking forward to that at all.

With the exception of this constant headache that I have been having, I am doing ok health wise. Just keep on having these and it's been on-going since last Monday. Just when I thought that it (the headache) was gone, it would show up again. Today, it came with full-force and I wasn't prepared for it at all. I went home a half hour early because I couldn't stand the pain anymore; I cried like a baby today when I was on my break. I took Excedrin Migraine and it touch a little bit of it, and then it came back. So just now, I took two Naproxen 500mg and I hope that I will be able to sleep well tonight.

The old Pharmacist that I used to work with Joe, came from South Carolina to visit with his girlfriend Peg and of course he asked me the question that I was dreading him to ask: why didn't I tell him that I was pregnant and that I miscarried? I broke down right there. Just when you think that you can get pass this (miscarrying and all), someone throws you a curve ball and you start over again. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to tell him, but I didn't want Lori to tell him. Does that make sense? I hope so because for some reason, he didn't understand it. Overall, it was good to see him, but I just wish he didn't ask me that question. The day would've been a little better than it was if he didn't ask me that.

I think that I am done updating right now. It's October 12 and right now it feels like it's Decemeber 21; yup, it's that COLD. Typical New York weather I am telling you. Up, down, and all around, in a New York minute the weather can just turn from hot to cold and vice versa. Well, I am going to sign off now. Until the next post, have a great week and God Bless!



If you believe in prayer or just hope, please hope or pray that this headache won't be a constant stress in my life because it really really sucks.

V is for...Venting!!!

Ah, it's Saturday! I have the weekend off and I thought that I would vent for today. I know I shouldn't vent, but I can't keep this to myself.
Before I vent, I found this online from a health writer by the name of Melissa Dahl. She wrote an article about venting and I thought that I would share it with whomever reads this blog of mine.

"Quit Complaining---it may make you feel worse" Venting to friends about problems is unhelpful and unhealthy, experts say.
When confronted with a problem, Ashley Merydith has a routine for dealing with it: She talks about it. Incessantly. To anyone who will listen.

“‘So he did this, and then I said this, and then he texted me this,’” says Merydith, 23, describing the intricacies of a venting session. “It’s basically rehashing every conversation.”

Her goal is to get it off her chest and feel better about the issue. But often, Merydith finds that venting about her problems has the exact opposite effect. “It makes you more amped up about the problem,” says Merydith, of Charlotte, N.C. Voicing your frustrations is a natural way of dealing with them — but watch out for when a conversation dissolves into a bitch session. Talking your problems to death can make you feel even worse.

A recent study found that teenage girls who vented to each other about their problems, from boy trouble to social slights, were more likely to develop depression and anxiety — and the same is likely true for adult women, says Amanda Rose, the author of the study.
“There’s a definite belief in our culture that talking about our problems makes you feel better,” says Rose, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Missouri, Columbia, whose research was published in the July issue of Developmental Psychology. “That’s true in moderation. ... It only becomes risky when it becomes excessive.”

Be more like a boy
Rose also studied the venting habits of young men, but found that guys don’t tend to analyze their problems as deeply as women. That might be because relationship issues tend to spark the most obsessive discussions, and that’s a subject women are more likely to dwell on.
Sometimes a kvetching session can spiral out of control, admits 21-year-old Amanda Beattie. Instead of making her feel better about the problem, it reinforces the small fears she already had — or even introduces new ones.
“It goes from statements about how I’m feeling to, ‘OK, so-and-so must hate me,’ to ‘I bet they never liked me in their life,’” says Beattie, who lives in Kansas City, Mo. “The more you talk, it hypes up your emotions.”
Still, there’s an upside to all that complaining. Rose points out that in her findings, the girls who vented to each other also reported feeling closer to their friends. It can establish an instant bond because the listeners know the complainer trusts them enough to spill their emotions — and the complainer’s just grateful that someone is willing to listen.
For 24-year-old Elizabeth Spencer-Green, a good griping session has often been a way to connect with other women. When she first moved to Seattle as a teenager, she hated her new school — and she bonded with a group of girls who felt the same way.
“I guess I used that as a way to fit in,” says Spencer-Green, who now lives in New York City.
But she noticed that as she complained with her friends about how much she hated the school, she started to hate it even more.

Confirming worst fears
That’s the danger of talking to friends who let you wallow in your sorrows. It can confirm your worst fears: Maybe you weren’t overreacting. He really did wrong you. She really was flirting with him.
And now you’re convinced: This is so a big deal.
“If I tell you my problem, and the way you listen to me is sort of agreeing with me, then it escalates the feeling, without having a practical solution for it,” says Matthew Anderson, a psychologist based in Boca Raton, Fla. Instead of spilling your problems to those friends who encourage your rants, turn to someone who’ll point you toward a solution.
In Beattie’s case, that was her mom. Beattie was stressed about the tension between herself and her co-workers at her new internship, and she called her mom to talk about it.
“She’d let me run out of steam, and then she’d remind me of what I needed to do to remedy the situation,” says Beattie.
Psychologists also warn against ranting over and over to the same audience. You don’t want to become known as the complainer of the group. That can take a toll on friendships; it’s draining to be around someone who’s always moaning about their troubles.
When faced with someone who’s intent on wallowing in their problems, give them some time to talk it out — maybe 15 minutes, suggests Annette Annechild, a marriage and family counselor in Del Ray Beach, Fla. After that, move away from complaining and on to problem solving.
Merydith, the conversation rehasher, says she’s trying to redirect her venting habit into healthier territory by seeking solutions instead of just complaining. “If you talk about it forever and ever, at some point, you have to be like, ‘OK, let’s move on.’”

I thought that I was going to vent, but instead, I found an article about it. So I hope that you enjoyed it as much as I did and until the next post, have a great weekend and God Bless!