"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us" -Helen Keller
Around this time...
I would be 21 weeks pregnant
and I would feel the baby kicking me, I would know (hopefully) if it was a boy or a girl....
people would be able to tell that I am pregnant because of the "bump"....
Some people ask me how I am doing and I tell them that I am doing fine. In reality, I am. I doing just fine. I just don't like to be reminded of it whenever I see certain people. Like yesterday at work, one of my co-workers asked me how the baby was doing and I told her that I lost it and surprisingly enough, I didn't cry or anything. And she quickly changed the subject and I was so happy that she did.
Although when the old Pharmacist that I used to work with just came out of no where and asked me why didn't I tell him that I was pregnant or that I miscarried, I cried. I didn't expect that from him let alone the first thing that would come out of his mouth. No sympathy from that man whatsoever.
James and I decided that we want to wait a little longer to start trying again. Not a lot of people know this, but James and I are moving back to Kansas in April and we feel that if I got pregnant again, we would have no choice but to stay here in New York and trust me, that's something WE DON'T want to do!
You want to know how I got through this? I have one answer: God and James. I really don't know what I would do if God wasn't a part of James and I's lives...especially when this happened. God is totally awesome!!! He has helped me heal and as a matter of fact, this has brought James and I closer than before.
I am sorry that this was a somber post, but then again, it could be worse. It could be a post about work and I am sure that you don't want to read about that. Believe it or not, this really does help me heal and everyday I am healed (if that makes sense).
Well, until the next post, have a great weekend and God Bless!
2 comments:
I completely understand-matter of fact, I just blogged about "Giving Thanks for Pain."
Praying for your heart-grief is weird-sometimes you're fine & other times, you are just overwhelmed with sorrow-& then, it can be hard to trust God's love for you!
Exciting that you are moving back to KS!!!
Kim:
I just read your blog, "Giving Thanks for Pain". I really loved it; opened my eyes more about what you went through. I totally agree with you about heart-grief. One day I am fine and then a few hours later, I won't be but then again, with God's undeniable love and support, I know I can get through this. It just takes time that's all.
No one knows that I am moving back to Kansas except for my little sister. Can't wait to see everyone again...not to mention your Mom. It's so hard not being able to keep in touch with her after all of these years.
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